Hey, NYC! Good news for those who bristle upon hearing “Happy Holidays!” and other equally empty seasonal platitudes: Jacie Beat (the reigning queen of parody songs and caustic comments) is ditching her reindeer-powered sleigh and sliding down the chimney of The Cutting Room for two shows only: Saturday, December 13, at 5pm and 7pm.
The latest in a quarter-century’s worth of annual live performances, Jackie Beat: Pretty Lady Christmas! promises the “legendary, delusional drag queen’s annual holiday show” will feature “lots of naughty new numbers and a sprinkling of crass classics!”
We recently asked the clever, anti-Kringle for some specifics on her upcoming show…her answers yielded the below Q&A. (Full Disclosure: Jackie Beat is a content contributor to this website; any conflict of interest concerns should be swallowed with the rest of your bile and digested in private!)
Scott Stiffler, for LGBTQCommunityNews.nyc (LBGTQCommNews): This is, what, your 25th or 26th annual holiday show? What can returning audiences expect, and what should newbies know going in?
Jackie Beat (Jackie): Well, I always joke that after doing this for so long, writing new material–especially holiday material–is the complete opposite of my dick: It gets harder every year! But despite the panic, I always seem to come up with some great new stuff! And this year that includes parodies of the standard Man With The Bag, Alannah Myles’ 90s classic Black Velvet, The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick, a catchy little ditty called All I Want For Christmas Is The Epstein List and to balance it all out, a Christmas song all about our true savior, the glorious Dolly Parton! And of course, a handful of festive favorites from the past.
LBGTQCommNews: Pretty Lady Christmas! is the title of the show. What does that mean, and how will it play itself out on stage?
Jackie: Let’s do the math: I’m pretty, I’m a lady, and it’s Christmas! All kidding aside, I just thought it was a cute title for a drag holiday show because everyone’s always trying to spread joy and goodwill and pray for peace on earth around this time of year, but let’s face it, the most important thing is really just to be pretty!
LBGTQCommNews: Santa and manger-era Jesus have been referenced in a number of your profane song parodies over the years. Have you ever heard back from their respective camps and/or devoted followers?
Jackie: Oh yes! My very first holiday show in New York City was called Jesus Christ, It’s Your Birthday! The League of Catholic Decency or some similar organization named it to their top 10 Anti-Catholic list–despite not even seeing it/ I’m guessing they based it on the rather blasphemous ad featuring me dressed as Mary, with a cigarette hanging out out of my mouth, holding a blinged-out baby Jesus–and that literally helped the show sell out and put me on the map! This year, there is more material about Santa Claus than Jesus Christ, go figure. I guess we know who won the war on Christmas!
LBGTQCommNews: Is there a toy or an album or a type of clothing that tyke, toddler, or tween-aged Jackie Beat was denied, and still longs for? What is the proper response for those of us who don’t find that special item under the tree this year?
Jackie: Of course, I always wanted a Cher doll, but at least my parents supported my artistic side by always giving me big sets of colored markers and sketch pads. They never gave me toy trucks or a G.I. Joe doll. My parents’ best friends growing up in Scottsdale, Arizona were a gay couple, so I was very blessed to have intelligent, loving, and accepting parents. I’m sure many people hear my horrible holiday songs and think, “That poor drag queen must’ve had a terrible childhood,” but that’s really not the case. Oh, and If you don’t get what you want, I think you should stomp on unopened presents and knock the Christmas tree over just like Divine when she didn’t get her cha-cha heels.
LBGTQCommNews: What material can we expect you to bring to The Cutting Room?
Jackie: I am going to explain to first-time cooks how to properly roast a turkey, in my version of TLC‘s Waterfalls that I oh-so-creatively changed to Butterballs. And as is my annual tradition, I am ending the show with my infamous Whore For The Holidays Medley, which graphically tells the audience what perverted sexual services are available to them from me after the show… For a price, of course!
“Jackie Beat: Pretty Lady Christmas!” is performed Saturday, December 13 at 5pm & 7pm at The Cutting Room (44 East 32nd St.). Tickets are $26 general admission; $42 VIP tickets include reserved seating and a meet-and-greet. There is a $25 food/drink minimum. The show is touring before and after the NYC performances. For the schedule, and to purchase tickets, click here.
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